If you haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing Steven Wright’s comedy, you’re missing out. Regardless of the kind of day you’ve had, he’s guaranteed to make you laugh or at least bring a smile to your face.
One of the great things about his comedy is its cleanliness, making it suitable for all ages. I could continue to talk about him, but it’s better to see for yourself. I’ve included some of his classic lines below, and if you scroll further down, you’ll find a couple of videos to enjoy.
- Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
- How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
- Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
- I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
- If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- What’s another word for thesaurus?
- I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
- There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
- Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
- I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.